Jane sought help from a new therapist. The woman was an MFT- marriage and family therapist. She could not get in the car with anyone, take public transit, or drive long distances. Each circumstance placed her in a state of panic. It was taking a toll mentally and on her entire body. She met with this new therapist who explained that Jane had developed Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia- Diagnosis #2. They met for two months and worked on the root of Jane’s panic. Jane felt like the idea of the embarrassment of getting sick again would trigger the anxiety, and the humiliation itself would cause her to lose the relationship of anyone who witnessed an accident. It was all tied to loss. It was all tied to fear of losing her boyfriend, family, or her already absent father. The therapist referred her to a psychiatrist, because her physiological reactions were not under control as of yet. The psychiatrist was a man. She had never worked with a man before, and she felt uncomfortable at first. She had little experience with adult males in her life. Jane explained her history. The doctor asked why she stopped taking Prozac after two weeks. “I felt more energetic, weird.” The doctor says “Sometimes people with bipolar disorder have that reaction to SSRI medications.” Jane was furious. Fifteen minutes into the evaluation, and she felt like he was trying to write this off as bipolar disorder. She studied psychology, she knew this anxiety was not a mood disorder. Looking back, she may have been feeling hyper sensitive about the situation as a whole.
July 2013
She met with the psychiatrist again. He asked her if she felt sad, down, etc. She said sometimes. He explained that depression and anxiety go hand in hand. It made sense to her. Jane was diagnosed with depression- Diagnosis # 3 and anxiety. He prescribed her Lexapro 10 mg- Drug #3 and Klonopin- Drug #1 again, to take daily. This helped reduce her physiological symptoms of panic, but worsened her sadness. Jane was convinced she was depressed. She also went to see a gastroenterologist, who diagnosed her with Irritable Bowel Syndrome or as he also said “a nervous stomach” and prescribed her an antispasmodic drug and probiotic to take daily- Drugs #4 and #5.
August 2013
A month passed and Jane explained to the doctor that she was still not feeling right. He changed her dosage of the Lexapro to 20 mg.
October 2013
Jane went to see the doctor with some feelings of relief. “I haven’t had a panic attack in a bit. I have to stop seeing the therapist for a while, money is tight. She doesn’t take my insurance.” He asked about her mood and sadness. Jane still had some bad days. He gave her a free sample of a vitamin/drug called Deplin that was supposed to increase the efficacy of SSRIs- Drug #6.
December 2013
Jane did not have any panic attacks since the summer. She attended an intake at her graduate school counseling center to receive free therapeutic services. She was in a social work program in the city. Jane starting experiencing feelings of emptiness, loss of hope for a happy future, and dread. She was now struggling with depression. This was drastically extenuated by the “anti-depressant” drugs. They numbed her panic, but worsened her sadness. Jane spoke to the doctor about these feelings. He explained that some people need to try different SSRI’s before finding the right one. He prescribed her Venlafaxine 37.5 MG- Drug #7. Jane took it for a week and felt worse. She cried in her boyfriend’s arms that she did not feel normal, like herself, or safe. It was like a part of her mind was wiped clean. She felt as she did in eighth grade when she had thoughts of knives. Thoughts of death sat on her mind. It scared her more than anything. She immediately called the doctor. He prescribed her Cymbalta 30 mg- Drug #8
Febrary 2014
Jane went to see the doctor and explained that she had a little anxiety and felt kind of sad, but that it was manageable. He asked her if she wanted to try a higher dose of Cymbalta. She agreed to try it and started taking 60 mg.
November 2014
Six months had passed. Jane was going through the motions of every day life. Every day she tried to make the best of the situation. Her mood was off, her feelings were numb. She had not cried or felt emotional in a long time. She explained to the doctor that she felt numb. He decided to have her try Zoloft, since the Cymbalta may have been affecting her by numbing everything. She was taking 50 mg of Zoloft now- Drug # 9. She was still on the Klonopin as well.
April 2015
Jane had some relief after taking Zoloft, but it began to fade yet again. Nothing seemed to work. She reflected on starting with Lexapro back in the beginning and asked her doctor if she could go back to it. He told her that there was a reason they stopped-it was ineffective. She insisted that she try it again. He respected her wishes and prescribed her Lexapro.
June 2015
Graduation had passed, and Jane had plans to move in with her boyfriend. She felt emotionally strong enough to try handling herself without medication. She ended counseling at school-where they had been finally exploring feelings of her absent father. Jane had pushed back most of these feelings and separated herself emotionally. The biggest step in the therapy was Jane accepting that her absent father had an impact on her. Just stating that fact was the break through. It had been so repressed. Jane stopped taking her stomach medication, Klonopin, and birth control. She let her body adjust to that change. She wanted to stop the Lexapro but was scared. Jane also did not want to tell her psychiatrist about ending all medication, thinking he would advise against this. But she wanted to start this new chapter of her life clean and free from medications. School was over, she had a new job, and she was moving away from home. She felt positive for the first time in a long time.
Thriving by Coping 